Dog Food Diet?

I had this sent to me, this morning. Made me chuckle.

Ask a stupid question, get a stupid answer……..

Yesterday I was buying a large bag of dog chow at Wal-Mart for Athena the wonder dog and was about to check out. A woman behind me asked if I had a dog.

On impulse, I told her that no, I didn’t have a dog, that I was starting the Purina Diet again. Although I probably shouldn’t, because I’d ended up in the hospital last time, but that I’d lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms.

I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way that it works is to load your pants pockets with Purina nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry and that the food is nutritionally complete so I was going to try it again. (I have to mention here that practically everyone in the line was by now enthralled with my story.)

Horrified, she asked if I ended up in intensive care because the dog food poisoned me. I told her no; I stepped off a curb to sniff an Irish Setter’s butt and a car hit us both. I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack, he was laughing so hard.

Have Faith in Your Dog

Written by Lisa Flowers for use in her dog training classes.

H = Have a PLAN before you begin to teach your dog something!
A = Always expect the same behavior-ie..sit always means sit!
V = vary your training sessions and keep them short! (5-10 minutes)
E = expect to experience the behavior you reward!

F = follow thru with each command-never give a command you cannot reinforce!
A = allow no gray into your relationship with your dog! Black & white!
I = ignore the negative—-reward the positive!
T = the more consistent you are-the more consistent your dog will be!
H = hyper dogs are harder to teach—go for a walk!

I = it is never too late to teach your dog something!
N = “NO” is not your dog’s first name!

Y = you determine how your dog will behave!
O = opportunities to train your dog are limited by your imagination!
U = use your dog’s name only if you need to get their attention!
R = “release” words end a behavior! Ie…”OK”, “FREE”

D = dog’s come from the womb needing a leader!
O = our job is to be the leader!
G = God made them to love you unconditionally-love them back the same way!

Property of HAVE FAITH IN YOUR DOG *2008*

As lisa says: ” Please share with anyone/everyone you want!  Those are just ideas I have adapted in my handling and teaching.  I didn’t make em up by any means…I just put them in something cute to give to people in my class so they could remember.”

Joke – Teacher’s Pet

Teacher’s Pet

On the last day of kindergarten, all the children brought presents for their teacher.

The florist’s son handed the teacher a gift. She shook it, held it up and said, “I bet it’s some flowers!”

“That’s right!” shouted the little boy.

Then the candy store owner’s daughter handed the teacher a gift. She held it up, shook it and said, “I bet I know what it is! It’s a box of candy!”

“That’s right!” shouted the little girl.

The next gift was from the liquor store owner’s son. The teacher held it up and saw that it was leaking. She touched a drop with her finger and tasted it.

“Is it wine?” she asked.

“No,” the boy answered. The teacher touched another drop to her tongue.

“Is it champagne?” she asked.

“No,” the boy answered.

“What is it?” she said.

“A puppy!”